I believe you're referring to the period where I was HIDING from the MURDER CHARGES. When ALL of you thought I was so UNHINGED that I had clearly killed someone. When you were ALL firmly convinced that ELIAS should have booted me RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.
But BEFORE THAT, I was supposed to offer comfort, I was supposed to offer LEADERSHIP when you could hardly be in a ROOM with me over my attempts to figure out WHAT WAS GOING ON. Because clearly, THAT was a fruitless pursuit.
CLEARLY every one in our organization was entirely reliable, no one to worry about. CLEARLY my own boss didn't MURDER my predecessor or anything.
Even when you were still there physically, you weren't really there for any of us, you didn't trust any of us
Bloody Martin practically worshipped the ground you wanked on and you didn't even notice
Walked on
Whatever
You still left the rest of us on our own with no word, no help, nothing. With that same boss who murdered your predecessor. Which, you know, excellent job telling us anything at all
The point is, you're the one who cut everyone out. I just got over it first.
I didn't TRUST any of you because I knew something was WRONG but I couldn't figure out with WHO. A suspicion that had you running INTERVENTIONS on me while that THING ran around with Sasha's FACE on and ELIAS was clubbing old men over the head with a PIPE.
Just because I wasn't doing what YOU wanted didn't mean I wasn't trying to HELP. And I couldn't TELL you because I didn't know which one of you would try to MURDER us.
PLEASE tell me how I was supposed to know which one of you to trust when NO ONE knew about Sasha. When you were all telling me I was INSANE.
EXCEPT for that bit where 'SASHA' wasn't SASHA, of course.
You're the one who got me this damn job in the first
place
You knew me longer than any of the others, and you knew
what Sasha and I were, and then she was dead and none of us knew and then
the thing wearing her was dead and we were nearly dead and you left us like
that
But you're right. How could you ever, ever, EVER
POSSIBLY be wrong???
I KNEW SASHA and that THING had me fooled the same as anyone. For goodness sake, Tim, I was suspecting MARTIN for a time. I didn't
I COULDN'T trust ANYONE. The ONLY one I could trust was MYSELF and TRUST me, I doubted THAT more than once, far too many times in fact, because if I trusted the WRONG one I could get all of the rest of you KILLED.
I CAN'T AFFORD to be wrong, Tim.
[ There's a short pause.]
I couldn't afford to be wrong.
And then I was.
The only reason I'm alive, you're alive, ANY of us are alive, is because of Jurgen bloody Leitner.
Believe me at LEAST that there is nothing I find more galling than that.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 01:39 am (UTC)But BEFORE THAT, I was supposed to offer comfort, I was supposed to offer LEADERSHIP when you could hardly be in a ROOM with me over my attempts to figure out WHAT WAS GOING ON. Because clearly, THAT was a fruitless pursuit.
CLEARLY every one in our organization was entirely reliable, no one to worry about. CLEARLY my own boss didn't MURDER my predecessor or anything.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 01:59 am (UTC)Even when you were still there physically, you weren't really there for any of us, you didn't trust any of us
Bloody Martin practically worshipped the ground you wanked on and you didn't even notice
Walked on
Whatever
You still left the rest of us on our own with no word, no help, nothing. With that same boss who murdered your predecessor. Which, you know, excellent job telling us anything at all
The point is, you're the one who cut everyone out. I just got over it first.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 02:05 am (UTC)I didn't TRUST any of you because I knew something was WRONG but I couldn't figure out with WHO. A suspicion that had you running INTERVENTIONS on me while that THING ran around with Sasha's FACE on and ELIAS was clubbing old men over the head with a PIPE.
Just because I wasn't doing what YOU wanted didn't mean I wasn't trying to HELP. And I couldn't TELL you because I didn't know which one of you would try to MURDER us.
PLEASE tell me how I was supposed to know which one of you to trust when NO ONE knew about Sasha. When you were all telling me I was INSANE.
EXCEPT for that bit where 'SASHA' wasn't SASHA, of course.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 02:14 am (UTC)Because you KNEW me, Jon
You're the one who got me this damn job in the first place
You knew me longer than any of the others, and you knew what Sasha and I were, and then she was dead and none of us knew and then the thing wearing her was dead and we were nearly dead and you left us like that
But you're right. How could you ever, ever, EVER POSSIBLY be wrong???
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 02:20 am (UTC)I KNEW SASHA and that THING had me fooled the same as anyone. For goodness sake, Tim, I was suspecting MARTIN for a time. I didn't
I COULDN'T trust ANYONE. The ONLY one I could trust was MYSELF and TRUST me, I doubted THAT more than once, far too many times in fact, because if I trusted the WRONG one I could get all of the rest of you KILLED.
I CAN'T AFFORD to be wrong, Tim.
[ There's a short pause.]
I couldn't afford to be wrong.
And then I was.
The only reason I'm alive, you're alive, ANY of us are alive, is because of Jurgen bloody Leitner.
Believe me at LEAST that there is nothing I find more galling than that.